I don't always make the right decisions.

I admit, I've made so many mistakes in my life. I've said the stupidest things. I've confessed so many secrets that I shouldn't have. I've taken advantage of a lot of people in my immature times. I've flirted when I shouldn't have. I gave up when there was still hope.

I lied when I knew I should've told the truth. I manipulated when I knew they didn't deserve it. I cheated and actually felt mischiveous and liked the feeling of it. I did so many things that I wish I could take back.

But, honest to God, I changed.

I am a girl who is emotionally weak.

I've grown to act cold and get back at everything that happened to me before. However, I don't want that anymore. I'm tired of always pretending that I'm okay. I'm not fucking strong enough, okay? I'm human, and inside--I bleed. Figuratively.

... but lately.

I see myself changing. And I've grown cold. I've grown numb. And I'm forgetting how to act human... because everything I do seems to be generated by society and how I should respond. I'm failing and yet I smile. I'm losing and yet I smile. I'm hurting and yet I smile.

I smile.

... just to show all of you bastards that I'm fine and not worry about me.

I had a haircut today. I hung out with Bea and Pia. I went to mass and prayed the rosary. It was a nice day... if only I would just stop thinking and just live my life... then I'll be fine. I just need a little wake-up call... and I'll be fine.