I'm not normally a jealous person, but sometimes I find myself feeling that certain emotion wherein one's chest would suddenly constrict. Helplessness.

And I only feel this certain emotion with him.

Bee.

Why? No idea.

I continuously look for the answer to why exactly am I like this now. I used to not care of the guys I dated. Care in a way that he's everything I need and I want him to feel it. I used to give out motherly care; pure instincts, I guess, but... why. Why is it different now?

I'm young. I have so much time in the world. But... the question why plagues my head over and over again when I think of how I yearn to just be with him. No use of words or touches... just presence. Just to feel that he's there.

Then the 'jealousy' part comes when the stories of the past are brought up. His and mine.

However, have the thought of maybe he's jealous too ever crossed my mind?

No. But... is/was he?

I've never bothered to ask, even though curiosity gets the better of me sometimes.

Although... you know what? Why am I even thinking of this? I'm starting to think again and that's not good for my mentality right now. Fragility of my mind has certainly increased since yesterday (or maybe a good few days ago).

The first part of my day was fun. Cat and I stalked this gay dude with a tattoo on his back and he noticed that we were following him. It was quite fun, actually, but he noticed that he was being followed so he and his friend tried to ditch/avoid us.

But that's where the thrill of the chase came. We love the adrenaline rush out of it. Haha.

Unfortunately, as soon as the class started, though... my mind just went kapoot. INTPHIL became so boring now and PHILHIS... that class will forever be boring.

As soon as I finished classes, Bee and I hung out at the cafeteria first then walked to Phase 5. We ate isaw and BBQ and Nicol dropped by for a few minutes to say hi. We gave her BBQ. Haha.

Afterwards, Bee dropped me home on foot and I escorted him to the gate so he can call a tryke. Fortunately, there was one waiting already. Sweet-as.

Now I'm sleepy and I have to get up early tomorrow for class. But I have the stalker-thing with Cathy... she ain't online, though. Gah! Hopefully, she typed the paper thingy. If not... I'll help do it tomorrow and we can cram. Sigh.

I'm off to sleep in a while. Rawr.