One of my worst days ever.

I've always wanted my days to be worry-free. To have this happy feeling as soon as I wake up. Apparently, fate doesn't agree with me and so it throws shit at my face. Are you happy, fate? I'm miserable today.

My body hurts like a bitch.

My mentality has decreased to a mere ounce of sarcasm and a degree lower than dirt.

And I talked to my mother as if I knew better than her.

Now, who am I to speak like such a freaking god when I knew that I still have a long way to go before I can totally say that I am old enough or mature enough to think for my own in such ways that my parents wouldn't even bother?

I had said so many things that I can't take back. I gave out my opinion to my mother who thought that I was a saint. I told her I cuss, I told her I didn't believe in our chosen religion... I told her so many things that I wish I hadn't said.

But I couldn't stop.

My fingers typed and typed like fluid on keyboard and I couldn't. Fucking. Stop.

It hurts to think that I've changed her perception of me now.

But at least I'm not living a lie.

I told her straight-to-the-point on how I feel and what I truly believe in. But was it worth it?

I can't say it is.

But right now, I'm not only afraid of my mum knowing how I really am now, but how other people would think of me now. I mean, I told Bee about it. Emotions are excluded from chats but I can honestly say that I'm emotional everywhere. I am the type of person who shows what she really feels: through print or in the flesh.

Sometimes... it's hard to read him. He's an open book with unusual writings that I just wished I could try and understand. Most of the time, I would think I understood him but it's hard to tell. Major sigh.

I can honestly say... this is another day of which sleep will not come easily.

Back to staring at the ceiling for me, then.

to myself:

Stop thinking with

your mouth. Learn

from your mistakes.