And told me you missed me.

And told me you loved me--

as a sister.

And then I cried.

It's not about listening to words anymore... but listening to actions.

So tell me, you, what do you really want? What are you telling me?

Because getting drunk alone can't numb the feeling.

You were there. You were frowning. You were worrying.

But... what do you want?

So right now, the book I've been focusing on is Good Omens since I have four days to read it before the owner takes it back. Anyways, from what I've gathered, it's about the planning of the apocalypse and the fallen angel, Crowley is aiding Hell to victory.

There's this story that I've read in the book--more like information about a place, but it has a story, nonetheless--and it's about this saint, Beryl. She was betrothed to this pagan, Prince Casimir. On their wedding night, she prayed to God for Him to intercede but instead, he gave her the ability of endless chatter.

She was strangled by the prince and she died as a virgin.

Sometimes, I wonder why I always seek for the pain that comes along with knowledge. Like when I read a really long, boring book... in the end, even if it's one tiny fact, I actually have the pleasure to learn something new.

And sometimes, with emotions it feels as if when I hurt, I'll always have the reason to fight more for it because it's worth it in the end. Or so I hope.

It's funny how everything conspires against me now.

The people I love as friends fall for me. And the guy I want to fall for me just won't.

My dad gave me a talk about my future and compared it to his from before.

He gave me the reason why he's so loose with me... because he never got that freedom from before. And I'm grateful that he understands me. I really, really do. But for him to say that I've lost my identity--

--I honestly don't think I have precise one, yet.

And for him to say that I'm not doing well with my classes... well, once upon a time I had fours in almost all my terms and he didn't even notice them. He just said, "is that the biggest grade you've got?"

... well, it is, technically.

Sometimes, I just feel so under-appreciated.

You are so annoyingly weird! I swear, I don't know why I even like you sometimes! You probably even know that I like you. But then you tease me to Mr Potter and my exes! From my analysis of men from before, when they tease you, it means they like you but you! Omg. You are so different.

Because I know you just want sex. Oh, but not from me, right? Cos I'm one of the guys.

And I don't even know if I'm your type.

Your brother said I was. But then again, maybe your brother is screwing around with me.

So why the hell am I wasting my time with you?

As I awaited to be picked up by Topet at my pad, my friends: Ralph and Vya, hungout at my place and we watched Longest Yard and Old School. But then again, I was doing my papers while they were cuddling on my bed. Haha.

They went off around 6 PM, though. And I was left to ponder whether I would still get out of the house. And Topet texted that he was gonna pick me up around 9 or so. The asshole picked me up at 10. Haha. And I was already so sleepy.

As soon as I got in the car, he "introduced" me to two of his friends that I already know. Haha.

And then he said, "Where's your glasses? Aw, now you don't look like a secretary."

I can only roll my eyes. What a turd.

I almost stayed quiet the whole trip and he was curious why I wasn't so talkative and hyper. I can only smile in the darkness and basically, I just felt awkward being the only girl in the car. So he wrapped his arms around me and held me close--when he noticed his friends looking, he loosened his hold but didn't move. Haha. But it was fun listening to them being perverted assholes.

We got to the bar and he paid for my entrance. Haha, and he should since he was the one who invited me and all. Tsk. We went inside and we saw a lot of Canlubangers there. Haha. That term is really retarded but anyways--

--basically, what went on that night was he bought me a WengWeng and I drank two beers. I was supposed to help him look for a woman, but all he got was me. Haha. He didn't leave my side and he acted like a protective boyfriend. He held my hand and hugged me from behind. He took my hand and danced with me at the side. It felt as if I was the only person around as he took my frail body and held it against his own. Haha.

Oh. And I destroyed private property.

You're nice one time and an asshole on another. And I don't know whether you're here for laughs or spell trouble. Dear, why won't you try to give me a scream? I want to tell you how much I hate it when you keep on swaying on other women's feet when--I'm. Right. Here.

But then again, you remind me so much of him.

You're nice one time. An asshole on another... but then again, you spell trouble.

I shouldn't even fall for all the dirty tricks my mind plays when all you want is to get laid.

I've got this cut from last night.

It hurts and I want it gone. :'(

Anyways, too much to drink. Hangover is a bitch. Jager shots & Jagerbombs, vodka, mudshake, and TonTonaters. Joke times, creepy times. All the same... they're all good times. The cross-shaped stars point to the north. And the big dipper at the opposite side.

When you get lost, just look for them up at the sky. You'll find your way. :)

--destiny is death. It's our free will that gives us the choice how we get there.

What is essential is invisible to the eye... and most likely, it's my intuition that always serves me right. *smiles*

Because I don't know what to do or feel anymore. :)

Pusong inakalang ayos na...

Pusong bigong hindi pa rin humihilom,

bakit ka ganyan?