Today was absolute death on my body (and mentality).

The exercises we did during the audition and the stuff we had to do... wow. Killed my body but prolly made my energy level higher. I survived, didn't I? Which is a good thing. Hmm.

Class was boring. I wasn't in the zone since I was too tired to actually think.

I have homework on both classes and a reporting on one next week.

- Formal paper on stalking.

- Reporting on the basics.

- Radio imagery (sounds only)

Tonight... Bee is at Warehouse with Sho and Migs. Hopefully they're safe and all that. Kinda nervous since there are brawls in clubs sometimes and there are troubles nowadays.

Tomorrow... 2nd monthsary. <3

First part of the morning was spent with exhilarating energy as we practiced for our dance audition tomorrow. After that, the afternoon was alright as I went to class. A bit boring and all this day prolly because I was too tired to think.

We even had a surprise quiz for PHILHIS.

Stupid prof.

Anyways, after my classes--Bee, Migs, Sho, and I went to Paseo to meet up with Roy to hang-out. First stop was Starbucks as we waited for Ralph to show up. I talked to Bam on the phone as we waited and had a little confrontation and chit-chat. Next was to Shakeys and ate dinner there.

Afterwards, we went to Starbucks again to hang-out and met up with James and Kyle with their women.

We then stayed there for over two hours.

Just there.

Sitting down, making fun of each other and other people, and talking. Lol. But it was fun.

And now I'm back home and not pass my curfew. Wowza. What a shocker!

... But I'm sleepy. So I might hit the hay in a few.

Lalalalove. *hearts*

In love... there is conflict.

In love... there is confrontation.

In love... there is compromise.

I have learned that there is always a balance in between those three aspects of a good relationship. There is this understanding that a couple should learn how the other thinks by telling them what exactly is on your mind.

Do not keep things hanging or else there will be misunderstanding.

I learned that the hard way, unfortunately.

So in hiding... there came, conflict. The sudden halt in communication, I can scarcely say, have made everything worst. I admit, it was my fault--completely. But then again, I am overly emotional at times. It's like I'm a pregnant woman getting ready to kick someone's ass without consequence.

Maybe it's because I'm Cancer.

Lol. I'm blaming my Zodiac. What the hell? Haha.

But you know... when conflict arises, there is this thing we call confrontation. When this specific phase comes up, all the troubles and confusions and everything else... this is the time where you guys would have to talk it out. Be it an incomplete thought or a bulldozer of ideas, at least you've let your significant other know the problem.

This is something I have troubles with sometimes--more on shyness, I guess.

Then the last one would be compromise. It is where the "kiss-and-make-outup" comes along.

That would be my favorite part of the cycle cos you get to finally let out your feelings and you both know about the situation already. So ain't that just awesome? Haha. Well. After this, at least the relationship grows stronger.

... or we'll hope it will.

So today was a day of mixed emotions.

And now, I'm talking to Bee on the phone thingymajig on YM. Squee.

Off to sleep in a while. Ciao.

Kisses.

You can say that yesterday was a hectic day.

First of, half of my day was spent in ATC... alone at first, but then I found out my dad's brother was at the mall looking for stuff to buy. I decided (more like my father suggested) that I accompany him that day.

I agreed and whoa, what a day of shopping.

I seriously cannot get over the fact that not only am I broke... but I'm late for class.

... when I told myself that I should change my tardy ways. Ohwells.

We don't change overnight, or so they popularly say.

But I was kind of grateful that I missed half of that boring class. I hate it. The only consolation that I could think of is that I have a prof who likes to talk a lot and gives satisfying grades by the end of the term.

After that class, I saw Bee and he prolly didn't saw me. But... Iunno. It's like we didn't even know or notice each other... or think that we even existed in our own little worlds. Then I remembered that he had a nightmare.

A specific nightmare that revolved around me.

A fear of losing someone, you could say. And... I felt so sad... but loved and wanted at the same time. I don't want Bee to feel like I'm... going to end up being like that. Like... we're going to end up at the same road that someone else had gone through.

We're trying to make things work and different, roit?

We'll last.

Then you know the drill after class when both of us are free, he drove me home and waited for me to get ready for Miko's debut that night. Afterwards, we went to his house and he got prepared while I ogled their newly designed house.

I think it's pretty-er. Lol.

So yeah. Then we went to Balibago for the party. But we were too early so we decided to go to SM. We got stuff that was needed for his new furniture and we also bought this Fondue kit. He said it was an early plan for our 2nd monthsary on the 1st of June, Sunday.

I agreed.

Then we went around to look for a gift. Lol, we noticed we're late, but... yanno. Gift. Haha. Then he said that he knows of this really cool shirt. And I was like, "awesome, where?" So he led us to Matilda and we saw this shirt I wanted!

Black Sheep product!

And I was like... so THIS is where you buy this kind of shirt.

I wanted one, but Miko should be the priority that night.

So we bought this black shirt with the words:

To: _______

Happy

__________

But we couldn't write anything on it cos we didn't have a white pentel pen. Sucks as.

Haha.

We had fun. And Bee was full so that's a good thing. Haha. The dining part would be the funniest part of my night. As the programs ended, though... it was another crazy photoshoot session--like what always happens in La Salle when someone has a camera.

Then we went home... but not before dropping Nap home since we didn't want him to walk all the way to his house at that time of mid-morning.

Afterwards, Bee dropped me home... but not before our talk.

A certain point needed in a relationship would have to be trust. And the contradiction of everything related to trust, there is what we call... jealousy. I must admit, as a woman of seemingly low self-esteem (yes, people think that is impossible for me, not bragging or anything)... I get jealous easily even though it's not that obvious.

To him, anyways.

I noticed that from my former relationships... I have absolutely no care whatsoever if that dude dated some other chick while he's still together with me. Because... somehow... I don't feel that certain click and I'm waiting for that flame to sizzle me.

Joji... I don't know why it's different, you know? Gah. I know I'm going crazy over this. Crazy, I tell you!

Then I remember our class today... our topic for INTPHIL. Sir mentioned about relationships. It was all a blur except this certain statement that came up. Obsession. A relationship is alright in any means--and love is right in the right circumstance--but when you're already obsessed with your lover... you have to think it through.

Is it still right or already wrong in the sense?

Am I obsessed? I don't think so.

Or I would like to think so. But it's me... roit? In my perspective, talking about the one you love is normal. I am not obsessed with him since I can honestly say that I can still be in a safe distance from him or I can be without him in most times.

An obsession. It got me thinking.

And I can say... I am not obsessive. I am just in love.

Deeply in love with someone who I know loves me back.

So why should I care what other people might interpret this abstract emotion?

It's a normal thing and I shouldn't be ashamed. And I'm not.

Yesterday night, I went to a gay comedy bar with my dad and his siblings. It was fun, although I was too tired to completely enjoy the night.

However...

Today was somewhat of a shock to me.

It all started out as an innocent talk between me and my friend, Nap, about my current predicament. You could say I was paranoid with what was happening around me but anyways, it's not exactly something I would say out loud.

As we went up to the fourth floor towards my first class, I was already thinking and checking out ways into which I would be able to stop my paranoia regarding my situation. Frick damn, though. I couldn't stop.

Then, I found out my ex was still uncomfortable with me.

In my own thoughts and perspective, I don't actually mind being friends with him. Joji isn't that uncomfortable either, or so it would seem. I'm not really sure, though. But yeah, what the hell.

If he doesn't want to be friends with me, so be it. I can't force someone, really.

So anyways, in the course of my day... interesting revelations had surfaced and I was slightly shocked by the fact that... somehow... things weren't what they seem (although I already had an idea before).

Curiouser and curiouser.

Lunch we ate at Shakeys (and gahd, my wallet is now depleted of cash) and afterwards, went to this Derma thing to check out the prices. They were having a discount and we were curious. Surprise, surprise! Vya then got a session and we waited in National Bookstore.

More talk, more laughter, more looking for gifts, and more talk.

But you know... I missed Bee. We never got the chance to spend time together today. Maybe because I was in my own little world and I was unintentionally ignoring him as I stared off into space. You know. My usual "I'm looking at the ceiling, don't bother me" phase.

Ohwells.

I miss those times where I didn't even think. When my mind is in a complete blank.

When I'm together with Bum and it seemed like nothing else mattered.

Haha. Me and my "hopeless romantic" phase again. It's slowly resurfacing, but in a different kind of circumstance.

Maybe I should start being a devoted Catholic again. You know--pray to God and all that.

...

It might help me center myself again. I dunno. Just a thought. :D

Today was extremely boring.

But I learned how to tweak HTML codes and stuff so that's a good thing.

I am so freaking bored, though. It's kind of sad. I was supposed to get contacts today but nooo~ papa didn't want to go out. So who would be the means of my transportation?

*crickets chirp*

Exactly. No one.

*sighs*

I want my own car badly. Lol.

So anyway, a random thought. Bee texted earlier and he told me that he finally has his own piano in his house. That means he won't be bored at home anymore and he'll spend more of his time learning new chords and songs on it. Woot, woot. I'm seriously happy for him. Seriously, I am.

... *cough*I am not jealous of a freaking piano! I refuse to think so!*cough*

Back to reality.

I spent the whole day burning my eyes on the computer. How wonderful is that, roit?

Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow will be different! Hopefully it will be. I have classes tomorrow and a really big huge gap on my schedule.

PE in the morning (this game Sepak or something... what the hell is it? Haha) and ENGLTRI before the night comes (Dude, english class during the night? WTF?).

... and I just remembered. I have homework to do. Haha.

I should stop blabbing now and send in my homework to Ms. Diane before I forget and totally flunk the first ever assignment this term. LOL.

Much love.

Well, looks like I'm back to blogging (thanks to Mei for the link on my new lay-out!).

So it's almost lunch and I seriously want to go to ATC. Seriously.

But my dad... he's nowhere to be found! Where can he be?! Ack.

I want to buy new contacts. I miss poking my eyes.

... and I miss Bee. Where could he be? Lol.